


Her First Kiss

by DisguisedasInnocent



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band), X Factor (US) RPF
Genre: Angst, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-13
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-01-12 05:21:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1182404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisguisedasInnocent/pseuds/DisguisedasInnocent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lauren has been in love many times in her short life, in various ways with a variety of people, but the way that she loves Camila is different. Lauren loves her enough to give her anything - including her First Kiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have previously posted this piece on my tumblr page, and as it is now complete I'm posting it here.

Dark eyes flickered across the room, watching as a young chocolate brown haired girl paced back and forth across the room between her bed and the suitcase thrown on the floor. “What are you looking for?” The owner of the dark eyes finally asked, pushing her elbows back against the bed to prop her body up as she looked at her bedroom partner. “You’ve been running around for the last five minutes.”

"You know the dark red hair band that I have?" The girl asked, lifting her eyes to meet with dark green orbs, a tentative smile crossing her lips. "I wanted to wear it today." The girl paused before clarifying. "For my date."

"The one that I gave you, with the crimson bow on it?" Lauren asked softly, ignoring the way that her heart tightened in her chest and the lump that formed in her throat as she pushed herself to her feet and padded across the room. "You knocked it off the bedside table last night; it’s probably under the bed." She murmured as she laid down flat on her stomach and slid her arm underneath the edge of the bed to feel for the hair band. Her fingertips met soft silk, the fabric caressing her skin as she curled her finger underneath the band to tug it towards her body and out from underneath the bed. "There you go Camz."

"Thanks Lo!" Camila exclaimed taking the hair band from Lauren’s fingers, their hands sliding over one another as Lauren released her grip. "Do I look all right?"

Lauren stepped back slowly, her eyes sliding down the length of her best friend’s body taking in the sight of the light blue button up shirt hanging onto her shoulders. The shirt tied around the girl’s waist, a knot in the middle of her stomach revealing a sliver of soft tanned flesh before a pair of tight ripped denim shorts covered the girl’s thighs. Lauren smiled softly, her hands twitching at her sides as she looked into Camila’s eyes. “You look beautiful Camz.” She murmured quietly, the words dripping from her tongue truthfully.

"I hope Austin thinks so as well." Camila murmured, nibbling on her bottom lip as she looked across at the mirror. "He didn’t tell me where we are going so I thought that I’d just dress casually, I mean, I still look good but I’m not dressed up."

"Camz, you could wear a bin bag and I’d still say you’d be the most beautiful girl in the room." Lauren chuckled, placing her hands reassuringly on the girl’s shoulders, her chin resting lightly on the smaller girl’s shoulders as she allowed her arms to slip around Camila’s body. "But that’s not why you’re really nervous is it? You can talk to me Camz."

"I…" The girl sighed, shaking her head as she looked into Lauren’s eyes in the mirror. "I’m not sure you would understand."

"But you won’t know that unless you tell me will you?" The older girl asked, her bright green eyes dancing with affection and amusement as she looked at Camila’s soft pink lips and cheerful brown eyes. "I’ll always listen to what you have to say Camz; you know that, I’m here for you."

"I know you are." Camila said, her voice trembling as she allowed her body to lean back against Lauren’s chest, feeling the older girl’s arms slid around her waist to hold her gently. "You’re always there for me, I mean, you’re my best friend who else can I speak to about this?"

Lauren sucked in a slow breath, ignoring the painful burning sensation in the middle of her chest as she bit down on her bottom lip, squeezing her arms tighter around Camila’s waist. “I’m here.” She murmured, her lips pressing lightly against Camila’s exposed shoulder before releasing the girl to move towards the end of her bed, sitting heavily. “Talk to me.”

"I…" Camila sighed, crossing her arms over her chest before padding across the room to sit next to Lauren on the bed. "I’ve never had my first kiss."

Lauren’s eyebrow rose slowly, her eyes narrowing as she looked into Camila’s eyes. “And you think that you might want to give it to Austin?”

"No," Camila frowned, biting down on her bottom lip as she looked at Lauren. "I don’t want to regret my first kiss, but I do want to kiss him."

"Then you don’t have a problem Camz, if you want to kiss him then you surely can’t regret your first kiss." The older girl answered with her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"But what if we don’t get along after a few dates, or if we break up in three weeks’ time because of something else? I don’t want to have given him my first kiss if the relationship comes to nothing so quickly." Camila groaned, closing her eyes as she looked at Lauren. "I don’t know what to do."

"If you don’t want to give him your first kiss then don’t Camila." Lauren replied as sincerely as she could. "Give it to someone you’ll never regret. I mean, my first kiss went to a boy that asked me at a dance when I was thirteen years old, but I don’t regret it because in that moment we were perfect. Give your kiss to someone that you’ll always have that one perfect moment with, it’s a moment that makes your heart ache no matter what else you’re going through at the time."

Camila’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion and she looked at the older girl with piercing brown eyes. “How do you know what is a good moment?”

"You don’t until it comes." Lauren answered with a smile on her lips and a shrug of her shoulders. "But when it is you know."

"You say to give it to someone I’ll never regret," Camila murmured, her eyes darting across Lauren’s face, searching through her eyes for signs of the girl’s emotions. "You’re my best friend, right?"

"Right?" Lauren replied, lifting her left eyebrow as she looked at Camila curiously. "What are you getting at Camila?"

"If I give you my first kiss I won’t ever regret it, because you are my best friend, and I love you." Camila answered softly, twisting her body to face Lauren directly. "I wouldn’t ever regret you."

Lauren’s heart seized in her chest, her throat clenched tight as she looked into Camila’s affectionate brown eyes desperately trying to breathe through the pain. It felt as if a hand had reached into her chest, gripping her heart hard and squeezing it free of the blood that rushed through her veins. “You want me to kiss you?” Lauren answered, her voice trembling with emotion, her eyes darting back and forth between Camila’s eyes and her lips, cheeks flushed pink. “You want me to take your first kiss?”

"No, I want to give you my first kiss." Camila corrected the girl gently, placing her hand on Lauren’s knee as she looked into her bright green eyes. "You don’t have to Lo, but I mean, we’re best friends, who else can I give it to?"

Lauren’s jaw clenched down on the words sitting in the back of her throat, words that told Camila to go out and give her kiss to Austin, to the boy that she was about to go on a date with. Instead, the older girl nodded slowly and smiled, masking the pain in her eyes with affection. “I’ll only do this if you’re sure Camz; don’t give it to me because you don’t want to give it to him.”

"I’m sure." Camila answered quietly, nodding her head as she looked into Lauren’s eyes, watching as the older girl took in a deep breath before slowly nodding her head.

"Close your eyes." Lauren whispered, lifting her hand to cradle Camila’s cheek in her palm, her thumb stroking the girl’s skin lightly.

The brown-eyed girl allowed her eyelids to slide closed, covering deep pools of chocolate brown from Lauren’s gaze as she waited for the older girl to take action, leaning into Lauren’s touch. Taking in a deep breath Lauren bit down on her bottom lip, her eyes scanning Camila’s face, taking in the slight smile covering her lips and the flush that stained her cheeks. Turning her body and lifting her free hand to cradle both sides of Camila’s face Lauren slowly leaned in, giving the younger girl time to back away and change her mind. However, she did not move. Lauren smiled, her eyes sliding closed as she pressed her lips lightly to Camila’s mouth.

The older girl remained in place for a long second before beginning to move her mouth against Camila’s lips, allowing her fingers to slide back away from the girl’s cheeks to tangle within fine strands of brown hair, tugging Camila’s body firmly into her chest. Their mouths flowed slowly, lips caressing with a gentle pressure that belied Lauren’s desire to plunder Camila’s mouth with her tongue. For a minute, the two girl’s remained pressed together before Lauren pulled away, leaving with one more gentle peck against Camila’s lips before she disentangled her fingers from the girl’s hair.

"There," She murmured quietly, biting down on her own lip before sliding her tongue across it, tasting the flavour of Camila’s lip-gloss. "You’ve had your first kiss. Was it good?"

"Are all kisses like that?" Camila asked breathlessly, her cheeks flushed dark pink, her lips parted.

"More or less," Lauren answered, shrugging her shoulder helplessly. "You better finish getting ready, your hairs a mess now."

"Well, that’s your fault." Camila joked, nudging Lauren with her elbow before twisting to stand. "Thank you."

"It was my pleasure," Lauren muttered under her breath as she smiled at Camila’s back, collapsing against the bed as she struggled to regain control of her emotions.

The older girl watched silently as Camila rushed around the hotel room, her hands sliding through her hair to smooth down the stray strands before slipping the hair band on and settling it with the bow off to the side. The girl’s hands slid down her body, tugging her shirt down to lay flat on her shoulders as she snatched her phone off the bedside table.

“He’s here.” Camila said, turning her head to regard Lauren for a minute, smiling affectionately at the way that the girl spread out across the bed. “I’ll be back in about three hours I think.”

“Don’t stay out too late.” Lauren replied, grinning brightly as she waved her hand towards the door.

The dark haired girl collapsed back against the bed, listening to the sound of Camila’s hurried footsteps moving around the bedroom, picking her phone off the bedside table before reaching down to grasp the straps of her small backpack before striding to the door. The lock clicked closed, Lauren took a deep breathe in, desperately trying to reign in the emotions that thundered through her body. She could feel her heart pounding underneath her sternum, a fierce powerful dance of the small organ that struggled every second of the day to keep her alive, aching painfully from the pressure of the love flowing through her veins. Lauren smiled a broken saddened smile that clung to her lips.

A tear ran down the length of Lauren’s cheek, dripping off the end of her jaw to splatter against the bed sheets. One tear followed another, dropping and dripping from her skin until there was a circular patch of wetness underneath her head. The young girl did not pay attention to the tears; instead, she reached into her chest and pressed her hand firmly against her heart in an attempt to dampen down the ache that throbbed persistently. She wanted to cry, to roar out her anger and her sadness, but she could not manage to say anything more than a whimper. She wanted to scream.

An hour later Dinah found Lauren curled up in a ball in the middle of her bed, tears leaking out of her eyes every few minutes, her body shaking from the exertion of her emotions. “Lauren?” Dinah’s voice wavered as she stepped into the room, closing the door quietly before moving towards the older girl’s bed. “Are you all right?”

"Go away." Lauren’s voice cracked, breaking as she tried to speak, a sob rising up through her throat to blow the sound coming from her lips.

Dinah stepped up to the edge of the bed, her hand dropping lightly down onto the young girl’s shoulder, her nails dragging along Lauren’s shoulder. “Come on Lauren, you’re upset, you can tell me.”

"I don’t know." Lauren answered, allowing her body to twist to look into Dinah’s eyes, showing the young girl the depth of her sadness. "I don’t know."

"You don’t know why you’re sad, or you don’t know whether you can tell me?" Dinah asked quietly, shaking her head sadly, perching on the edge of Lauren’s bed as she looked into the young girl’s eyes. "You can tell me anything Lauren, you are my friend, my bandmate, you are like a sister to me as much as any of the other girls are and you know that I’ll always be there for you."

"This could change the group." Lauren answered sadly, shaking her head. "It could change everything.”

Dinah sighed, rubbing the top of the older girl’s hip as comfortingly as she could. “And yet you don’t think that it is going to affect us if you lay here crying?” The girl asked quietly, lifting her free hand to cradle Lauren’s cheek to wipe away the girl’s tears. “It is no one likes to see you cry Lauren, I don’t want you to cry about something on your own if I can help. If I can be here for you then I will be.”

Lauren’s eyes blinked closed as she took in a deep breath, holding it in her lungs before blowing the air out of her nose. “I just sent the girl I love out on a date with a boy I don’t like.” She murmured, opening her eyes to look directly at Dinah. “After giving her the best first kiss that I could.”

“Oh Lauren,” Dinah’s voice trembled, her arms reaching out to pull Lauren into a tight embrace, rubbing her fingers across the nape of Lauren’s neck. “I’m so sorry.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lauren loved hard and now it looks as if she's going to break hard.

Lauren awoke alone the next morning, her body underneath the covers of her bed, tucked around her shoulders as her head lay on the pillowcase. The young girl flexed her toes, amazed by the sensation of sheets against the bare skin of her feet as she struggled to remember changing to get into bed the night before. She could remember Dinah’s hand on her back, rubbing soothing circles into her skin as she wet the younger girl’s shoulders with her tears.

She could remember the way that Dinah’s voice sounded whispering comfortingly nonsense into her ear, breath fanning out across her shoulder as she clung to Dinah’s larger frame, seeking the comfort that the girl’s body could provide. Lauren remembered the way that Dinah apologised, attempting to stem the flow of tears from Lauren’s eyes and patch the shattered remains of her heart. Lauren remembered the pain of watching Camila’s back slide through the doorway, the lock clicking into place behind the girl, a final hammer wound to Lauren’s heart.

Sunlight tickled the edges of Lauren’s vision, prompting the girl to open her wearily brown-green eyes to look across the room at the window. She could see the glow of the sun reaching upwards, pushing away the dark of the night’s sky before allowing colour to burst out across the landscape. Lauren smiled, a small content grin tugging at the edges of her lips before her eyes gravitated towards the other bed in the room.

In the middle of the bed, concealed by a mess of blankets and pillows as well as arms and legs, Camila lay curled up into a ball with her knees drawn up into her body and her head resting lightly on the edge of the pillowcase. Unbidden a smile spread across Lauren’s lips because as much as her heart ached at the thought of Camila with Austin, it burst with happiness at the sight of Camila’s restful calm. Lauren wished that she could slid out of her own bed, pad across the room and slip into the bed beside Camila, to tangle their fingers together over the younger girl’s stomach and curl up beneath the sheets to share sleep for another few hours. However, Lauren knew that she would not be able to do that and then leave, to let the younger girl disappear out of the door once again with a boy that Lauren would never like.

Shifting her gaze to the bedside table Lauren reached out for her phone, tapping out her code before clicking on a little message icon flashing in the corner of the screen. “Lauren, don’t worry about last night, I put you to bed after you’d fallen asleep and told Camila that you weren’t feeling well so she shouldn’t wake you up. If you need anything, to talk or to cry - anything - then I’m here for you.” The edges of Lauren’s lips curled upwards, a quiet huff of affection escaping her lips as she tapped out a quick reply to Dinah, knowing that the younger girl would not be awake for another three hours at least.

"Thank you." She said at first, pausing to think of anything else that she might need to say before continuing. "I’m sorry that I did that, I didn’t mean to cry myself to sleep on you and I’m sorry that you had to see me that way. I’ll do my best to recover. I mean, what else can I do?"

Lauren kept the on the matter of the night before, preferring to get it off her chest before speaking again, sliding down into the bed to wait for Camila’s eyes to flicker open and agree to head down to the breakfast bar.

An hour and a half after waking up Lauren’s eyes fluttered away from her phone and the tumblr app she had been searching through to look across at Camila’s bed, watching as the girl shifted, kicking her legs out straight as she stretched her body before her eyes burst open. Lauren chuckled, shaking her head at the way that Camila’s dark brown eyes searched the room disorientated, blinking in a rapid fashion in order to bring herself to wakefulness.

"Good morning." Lauren murmured her voice a rough whisper, full of sleep and amusement as she looked at Camila. "Sleep well?"

"I…" Camila blinked, lifting her hand to rub her fingers across her face and her eyes before looking more precisely across at Lauren. "Yes, I think so. What about you?"

"Well enough." Lauren answered softly, placing her phone down at her side before sliding out of the bed sheets and padding across the floor to perch on the side of Camila’s bed. "But I’m not the one that went on my first date last night."

"Not my first date." Camila murmured, stretching her body once again as she looked at the ceiling and then back down at Lauren. "That was with you, remember? You took me to the beach and said that no girl should be sixteen in Miami and not have had a beach date."

"Oh." Lauren’s heart clenched hard in her chest once again, the hand reaching through her ribs to squeeze at the little muscle. "Of course."

_“What do you mean no one’s ever taken you to the beach?” Lauren asked incredulously, her eyebrow lifted as she looked sideways at Camila._

_The younger girl frowned, her eyebrows tightening as she glanced at Lauren before replying. “Just what I said, I’ve never been taken to the beach.”_

_“Obviously you’ve gone to the beach with your friends, right?” Lauren questioned, biting down on her bottom lip as she ran through a series of plans in her head._

_“Well, yes.” Camila chuckled, shaking her head. “This is Miami; of course I’ve been to the beach. I just mean that I’ve never been taken on a date or even just by a boy.”_

_Lauren nodded slowly, her lips twisted into a frown as she glanced out at the evening sky, her dark eyes looking out at the clouds. “All right,” She murmured, tasting the words on the end of her tongue before she began to speak them. “I know I’m not a boy and this won’t be a proper date, not really, but tomorrow I’m going to take you to the beach. You can have your first beach date with me.”_

_Camila licked her lips, her eyes focused on the small smile playing across Lauren’s lips as she nodded her head. “All right,” She murmured after a moment. “When do you want me to be ready for?”_

_“Um,” The older girl frowned, twisting her hands in her lap. “Let’s say, one o’clock.”_

_The next day at one o’clock, Lauren stood in front of Camila’s house, one hand twisted behind her own back to hide a small bouquet of gardenias and a bright red rose while her free hand rose to knock against the thick wood of the doorway. The girl waited, biting down on her bottom lip as nerves rose through her body and her chest began to ache painfully. “You can do this,” She murmured softly, the words sliding into her ears to calm the pulsing beat of her heart. “It is just Camila.”_

_“Lauren,” A voice surprised the girl, forcing her to lift her eyes from the ground in front of the doorway to meet Camila’s soft chocolate brown eyes. “You’re here.”_

_“Of course I’m here.” Lauren answered with a quick smile, taking her arm out from behind her back. “These are for you.”_

_“Oh,” Camila’s eyes widened at the sight of the flowers, her cheeks flushing a light pink as she reached out to take the bouquet. “They’re beautiful, but you didn’t have to.”_

_“It’s your first date, of course I had to.” Lauren answered quietly, her fingertips sliding across Camila’s wrist as she allowed the girl to take the flower from her grasp. “Put them in water and then get your butt in gear, I got my Dad to agree to take us down to the beach and pick us up again in a couple of hours. I’ve got the whole day planned.”_

_Camila’s cheeks flushed darker at the sound of the girl’s words but she nodded her head and scurried back into the house. The older girl smiled at the sound of Camila’s footsteps as she rushed around the kitchen to find a vase, the sound of the tap and then Camila’s soft sigh as she placed the flowers within the vase. “Who got those for you Mija?”_

_“Lauren,” Camila answered her voice soft and filled with warmth. “She’s taking me to the beach.”_

_“Well,” Lauren listened as Camila’s mother paused, swallowed back her words before beginning to speak again. “Make sure you have fun Mija, and don’t be home too late.”_

_“Lauren’s Dad will be picking us up again later so I doubt we’ll be out late Mama,” Camila replied as she turned to head back towards the front door. “I’ll see you later!”_

_“Be careful Mija!” Sinuhe called back, her voice fading as Camila closed the door tightly and turned to face Lauren._

_“Ready?” The older girl asked with a smirk covering her lips as she reached out to take Camila’s hand, their fingers slipping through one another and tangling together between their bodies as Lauren tugged Camila towards the car._

_Camila’s brown eyes brightened as she squeezed Lauren’s hand. “Ready.”_

_Two hours later Lauren sat propped up on her elbows, watching Camila dancing along the line of the surf, giggling as Camila screamed as the water rushed up to touch the end of her boot covered foot. “Get back here!” Lauren called out, pushing her body upwards as she waved at Camila. The older girl laughed, watching Camila twist her head to regard Lauren on the blanket before smiling brightly and jogging back._

_“But I was having fun.” Camila whined, kneeling on the edge of the blanket a small pout covering her lips._

_“I know,” Lauren chuckled, placing her hand tenderly over Camila’s fingertips before squeezing them lightly. “But this is a date, and I wouldn’t be a very good date if I just let you wander off on your own the entire time. Let’s go for a walk. This stuff will be fine here.”_

_For the next hour Lauren and Camila walked down the beach, their fingertips intertwined and their bodies held close to one another._

“I enjoyed that.” Lauren murmured, her tongue thick and heavy in her mouth, her heart thundering in her chest.

“It was the best first date ever.” Camila chuckled, nudging Lauren with her elbow as she smiled brightly. “Austin was good though, he knew not to take me to one of those posh restaurants where I wouldn’t know what to eat or anything. Just a simple pizza place and a movie afterwards, it was fun.”

Lauren watched Camila’s eyes brightening, her lips curled into a soft smile and her cheeks flushed a light pink as she remembered the events of the night before. Lauren wondered whether she had compared the feeling of Austin’s hand curled loosely around her fingers. She wondered whether he held on tightly, silently begging the younger girl not to let go of his hand as she had done as they walked down the length of the beach together, they feet kicking the spray. She wondered whether she could swallow the lump in her throat. “Good.” The word finally trickled out from behind her lips. “You deserved a good night.”

The green eyed girl wondered whether Camila could hear her heart cracking.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cracks begin to show in Lauren’s psyche, but Camila is not the one that sees them.

Lauren pulled away slowly. Her hand dropping from Camila’s embrace a fraction of a second faster each and every time that the young girl would reach out to take it captive. Her eyes darting away from Camila’s gaze a moment before their eyes locked together in the space between their bodies. Her lips pressing lightly against Camila’s cheek for three seconds instead of five, her arms tangled around Camila’s waist for a minute instead of an hour and her laugh flowing from her lips in trickles instead of torrents.

Camila did not notice.

The green-eyed girl watched nightly as Camila would skip around their shared hotel room, picking out an outfit for a date with Austin or a trip to the movies with the other girls while Lauren remained sitting on her bed. She would watch Camila stripping her clothes off her frame, throwing them haphazardly around the room before sliding another outfit onto her body. She would comment idly on the way that the girl looked, her heart cracking in the middle of her chest as if Camila had struck it with an axe. She would slip out of her bed shortly after Camila shouted her goodbyes and pick the clothes off the floor, her hands folding them automatically before placing them into neat piles on top of Camila’s suitcase.

Lauren waited for the night that Camila would slip back into their room in the early hours of the morning, her cheeks flushed pink and her eyes bright. Lauren waited for the night that she would collapse onto the end of Lauren’s bed and whisper into the darkness about her kiss. The young girl waited for the night that Camila would speak about Austin’s kiss, pierce the protective walls around her heart and thrust the final nail into the coffin of her love. Lauren waited patiently, her lips curled into a sad smile, the happiness falling from her eyes.

“You know that this isn’t healthy, don’t you?” Dinah asked softly one night, her arms loosely wrapped around Lauren’s shoulders as the two girls idly watched a movie; the screen’s light flickered across their faces in the gloom.

The older girl nodded slowly, a sad frown covering her mouth even as she struggled to smile. “Yes.” She answered in the end, her head nodding as she agreed with Dinah’s words. “I know.”

“Aren’t you going to tell her anything?” Dinah’s eyebrows furrowed as she looked down at Lauren’s face, struggling to read the girl’s emotions in the dimness of her eyes – expressive green blank and dull. “You can’t let her break your heart like this.”

“My heart broke a while ago.” Lauren answered with a shrug of her shoulders. “And no, I’m not going to say anything to her. She deserves to be happy even if I am not, I’m not going to pin my happiness on her chest as a matter that she needs to fulfil. If she wants to go on dates with Austin, then I’m happy for her.”

Dinah nodded, her fingers lifting to comb through Lauren’s soft brown locks as she pressed a kiss to the crown of the girl’s head. “The sad thing is that you actually are, aren’t you?”

“Yes.” Lauren murmured softly as she leant into Dinah’s touch.

That night Lauren grasped Camila’s hand a little tighter, squeezed her fingers a little harder and held her body a little longer, desperate to reassure her heart of their connection. However, Camila did not seem to notice as she spoke about Austin and the date that he had planned for the evening. Lauren wondered again whether Camila could hear her heart breaking, the little tinkling sounds of the crystal shards shattering against the ground and the soft squelch of the organ’s dying gasp.

The next day Lauren sat quietly in the corner of a couch in a small television studio with the four other members of Fifth Harmony, waiting for an interview to begin, her heart hammering inside her chest. Camila’s fingers slipped across Lauren’s thigh, fingers idly playing with the lengths of Lauren’s fingers as her eyes glanced across the room to the crowded audience seats.

“I’ve got a couple of very special guests here for you today,” The interviewer began to speak, his bright green eyes locked on the camera in front of his chair. “Now, if you’ve been watching your television at all in the last year, and I do hope you have been because otherwise you’d have missed me, you’ll know who these five girls are, but if you don’t I think it’s time for some introductions.”

The man turned to the group on the couch, his eyes scanning across each of them as his lips twisted into a bright smile. “First we have Ally Brooke and Normani Kordei from Texas, followed by Dinah Jane Hansen from California, then the other two girls – Lauren Jauregui and Camila Cabello from Miami.” The man waved his hand across the space between the couch and his chair. “This is Fifth Harmony!”

The audience roared loudly, their voices mixed and blending into a wall of noise as the five girls waved their hands shyly.

“From my understanding you’ve had a pretty good year so far,” The interviewer commented as he looked down a set of fact sheets lying on the table in front of his chair. “Not only did you place third on the X Factor, but you were picked up by a record label and now you’re performing on the Jingle Bell Tour going to places such as Madison Square Gardens. How does that feel?”

“A bit overwhelming sometimes,” Camila replied shyly, her cheeks flushed pink as she waved her hand at the audience. “I mean, last year I was able to go to the mall in my home town and sometimes I wouldn’t even be recognised by my friends but now we’re all recognised everywhere we go. That takes a bit of getting used to.”

“Is that a good or a bad thing?” The man asked quietly, resting his chin on his fist as he looked across at the five girls. “It has been said that you do not really get a private life when you’re in the focus of the public.”

“You don’t.” Lauren answered with a shrug of her shoulders and a soft smile playing on her lips, pushing the ache in her chest off to the side in order to answer truthfully. “But this is what we all dreamed off since we were kids, we wanted to be able to perform, to make people happy and I think that is a big part of what we are doing right now. We’re performing and making others happy, I for one, couldn’t ask for more.”

The man nodded slowly, his eyes filled with understanding as his lips curled upwards at the corners. “That’s a very good way of putting it, thank you Lauren.” He smiled at the girl watching as her lips curved upwards. “Now, enough about that, I have some very interesting little rumours to clear up if you wouldn’t mind answering a few of my questions.”

“Ask away,” Dinah said with a chuckle in her voice as she nudged Camila’s shoulder with her elbow grinning at the interviewer. “I bet at least one of them involves this one.”

Lauren’s heart shuddered in her chest, her mouth growing dry as she schooled her features into a calm mask of indifference and uncaring. Her stomach tightened, coiled into a tight ball when her eyes caught the picture projected onto the screen behind the interviewer’s head. In a perfect display of young happiness, Camila stood with Austin, leaning into his body as they laughed.

“I wonder how you ever guessed,” The interviewer joked, winking conspiratorially at the crowd before turning his gaze onto Camila. “Now, our question, was that a date?”

Camila’s cheeks flushed pink, her mouth opening once before a sound left her lips. “Yes, it was.” The audience screamed loudly, covering up the sound of Lauren’s quiet whimper and Camila’s deep intake of breath.

“Was it your first date? Or did we miss that one?” The interviewer asked with a raised eyebrow.

“That was my first date with Austin.” Camila replied, her eyes catching the form of the bright red bow affixed to the top of her head.

The interviewer’s eyebrows furrowed at the sound of Camila’s words while Lauren’s heart shuddered in her chest but he continued with his questions regardless. “Then I suppose it would be far to say that you have had your first kiss now?”

“Yes.” Camila nodded her head, glancing to the side as Lauren licked her bottom lip before turning her eyes back to the interviewer. “But it wasn’t with Austin.”

“Well folks, you heard it from us first,” The interviewer chuckled as he looked at the Camila. “Not only has she been going out on secret dates, but someone’s stolen her first kiss, Miss Cabello is no longer a lip virgin! Is there any chance you’ll tell us just who managed to grab the first one?”

“No,” The young girl answered with a slight shrug of her shoulders. “That is between me and them.”

“Well, that is certainly interesting.” The interviewer murmured before shrugging his shoulders and looking out at the audience with a small smile playing across his lips. “We’re going to take a short commercial break now, but then we’ll be back with Fifth Harmony discussing their plans for the upcoming album and the Neon Lights Tour with Demi Lovato!”

That night Lauren stood at the window, her eyes focused on the evening lights blinking across the city as she listened to the sound of Camila’s footsteps padding around the room. The dark eyed girl took a deep breath before turning to face Camila, biting down on her bottom lip as she watched the girl place her crimson red bow on top of her head.

“I can’t do this.” Lauren whimpered softly, her eyes focused on Camila’s nose, desperately attempting not to look the young girl in the eyes. “Don’t come back tonight and try to get into my bed, just please, don’t.”

Camila’s eyebrows furrowed, her lips pursed as her eyes flickered over Lauren’s face, desperately attempting to make sense of the other girl’s words. “What do you mean you can’t do this?”

“I can’t pretend like this isn’t killing me.” Lauren answered, her words flying off the end of her tongue before she could prevent them, her hands tightening at her sides as she bit down on the inside of her cheek.

“What’s killing you?” The younger girl asked, stepping forward to place her hand gently on Lauren’s shoulder only for the dark eyed girl to step away quickly, turning her back to Camila and hunching her shoulders.

Lauren’s hands pressed against the centre of her chest, her fingertips gripping the fabric of her shirt as she struggled to breathe past a lump forming in her throat. A tear trickled down the girl’s cheek slowly, running down the contours of her face before splattering against the floor, followed quickly by a second tear and then a third.

“Lauren?” Camila asked, her voice cracking as she spoke, her fingers aching to reach out and wipe the tears away from Lauren’s eyes. “Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Everything’s wrong.” Lauren spat, shaking her head as she turned her gaze to look at Camila. “I never should have kissed you.”

“You never should have kissed me?” Camila’s eyebrows furrowed, her tongue slipping past her teeth to wet her bottom lip. “Are you angry that I mentioned it? That I told that interviewer guy that Austin wasn’t my first kiss?”

“No.” Lauren’s voice cracked, anger and sadness filling her tone as her fingers clenched tightly at her side. “I’m angry that I kissed you because now I can’t stop feeling that kiss. I can’t stop imagining that kiss. I can’t stop wanting that kiss and that makes me angry because I’ll never be able to have that kiss again.”

“Lauren…” Camila’s voice trailed off into nothing, her mouth lack and her mind racing.

“Don’t you see Camila?” Lauren asked, stepping forward into Camila’s body, wrapping her arms around the younger girl’s waist to hold her tightly. “Don’t you see I’m in love with you?”

The dark eyed girl did not wait for a reply; instead, she bent her head her eyes sliding closed as she pressed her lips firmly but tenderly against Camila’s mouth. She allowed her tongue to slide across Camila’s lip, tasting the subtle flavour of the girl’s lip-gloss before she stepped away. Tears ran down her cheeks in torrents, a sad watery smile playing over her lips. “I’m sorry.” She murmured as she backed away from Camila towards the door. “I love you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her heart is like a canyon because the cracks will never come back together.

Lauren felt the cracks in her heart stretching with every footstep away from Camila and their shared hotel room. She could feel the breaks separating until the tenuous connections that held her heart together snapped, the elastic splitting and fraying even as it struggled to bring both sides of the break back together. The cracks had been forming for months, day by day widening until the gap between both sides became a gorge and then a canyon. The cracks widened until they became a gap that couldn’t be filled in with a set of soft words and gentle actions.

The girl’s dark eyes pinched closed, teardrops squeezed out from underneath soft brown eyelashes to trickle down the length of the young girl’s face before dribbling onto the floor. Lauren’s hands clenched hard on the bottom hem of her shirt, tugging at the fabric as if it could soothe the ache in her chest. Camila’s confused brown eyes flickered through Lauren’s mind, the sight of the younger girl’s tears an axe to Lauren’s heart while the sound of Camila’s voice cracking with emotion sent lightning bolts of sadness ringing through Lauren’s body.

Lauren walked down the corridor soundlessly, biting down on her bottom lip as she struggled to suppress the urge to scream, the sadness and anger building up inside her stomach until they began to bubble over into a mess of frustration and heartbreak. The girl’s green eyes opened to the opening chime of the elevator, her eyes glancing sightlessly at the occupants before sliding between the metal doors and blinding stabbing the button for the roof.

"Are you all right?" A soft voice slid into Lauren’s ear prompting the young girl to lift her head to regard the older woman, her green eyes sliding across pale cheeks to meet worried brown eyes. The eyes were the same shade of milk chocolate as Camila’s soft brown orbs.

"Yes," Lauren murmured her voice breaking as she spoke, a sad smile spreading across her lips. "I’m sorry. It was just an argument."

The young girl hoped that the shrug of her shoulders and the watery smile on her lips would convince her woman of the state of her mind. Even though her heart raced in her chest as she struggled to contain the level of sadness rushing through her body.

"Are you sure?" The woman asked with soft concerned eyes, her hand lifting to touch Lauren’s shoulder tenderly. "You don’t look all right."

"Yes, I’m sure. I’m sorry, but I really don’t want to talk about it." Lauren murmured, shrugging her shoulders as she stepped away from the woman to press her back against the wall of the elevator. "I just want to get some air."

The woman nodded as she allowed her hand to drop to her side. “Well,” She spoke softly, offering Lauren a small smile. “As long as you are sure. Whatever argument that you and your friend have had, I’m sure that it will be all right in time, arguments always seem bigger at the time.”

"I hope so." Lauren answered, biting down on the end of her tongue as she thought about Camila’s devastated brown eyes and her slack-jawed expression. "I really do."

The woman opened her mouth as if to say something more but the elevator came to a stop, the speaker indicating the floor number and with an apologetic smile, the woman stepped out of the elevator. Lauren’s eyes watched the metal doors slid closed before collapsing back against the elevator’s railing, her hands clenched around the cold metal while she breathed heavily through her nose, struggling to control the sobs rising up her throat.

The next time the elevator doors opened Lauren stepped out from the metal box, her feet carrying her across the small corridor to a doorway and a set of stairs, the door at the top indicating the opening to the roof. Lauren’s key card slid through the lock, the door clicking open before she pressed her hand down on the door handle and pushed the door open. The young girl padded across the roof to the railing that lined the edge of the building, her elbows resting lightly on the cold metal sending a shiver down the length of her spine as she looked across the city’s skyscape at the buildings rising out of the earth and the lights shining in the sky. Lauren’s green eyes peered sightlessly at the crowded buildings, her fingernails pressing into her palms as she struggled to breathe steadily through her nose, swallowing back the sobs that rose up her throat.

"Do you know where she is?" Camila asked frantically, her hands beating against Dinah’s door in an effort to get a reply from the other girl. "Please, you’ve got to tell me where she is!"

"Mila, I don’t even know who you’re talking about." Dinah muttered, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand as she struggled to comprehend Camila’s frantic words. "Who are you looking for?"

"Lauren." Camila answered, her tongue sliding across her bottom lip as she rocked from side to side. "She told me something then she walked away and I don’t know where she is."

"What did she tell you?" Dinah questioned, her back straightening suddenly, her eyes darkening as she looked into Camila’s eyes. "Tell me right now Mila, don’t mess with me."

The older girl paused, her eyes boring into Dinah’s gaze, struggling to read the young girl’s intentions before speaking. “She said that she loves me.”

"And you didn’t say anything in reply?" Dinah asked sharply, her hands clenched into fists at her sides. "What the hell is wrong with you Camila? Don’t you know just what Lauren put on the line for you then?"

"I didn’t really know what to say Dinah!" Camila cried out in reply. "She said that and then she kissed me! I was surprised for god’s sake!"

"Surprised?" The other girl asked, her eyebrow rising up her forehead as she crossed her arms over her chest to look down into Camila’s brown eyes. "After all the things that she does for you you’re surprised when she tells you that she loves you? I mean really, after the way that she lets you cuddle her at night. Or the way that you hold hands? Or the way that she holds doors open for you or always makes sure that you have enough to eat and makes you breakfast in bed sometimes? After all those things, you didn’t even realise that she loves you. Come on Camila!"

"I never thought about it!" Camila answered angrily, shaking her head in frustration. "I know now, but that doesn’t really help me when I don’t know where the fuck she is."

"How long has it been since she disappeared?" The young girl asked quietly, cocking her head to the side. "Normally she comes to me if she’s having trouble with you."

Camila’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion and her head tilted to the side. “What do you mean by that?”

"Whenever you have a date with Austin Lauren has been coming to me, I found her after your first date with Austin, the one just after she gave you your first kiss." Dinah answered, shrugging her shoulders. "If I hadn’t found her then I doubt she would have come to talk to me afterwards, but I did."

"The roof!" Camila exclaimed suddenly, twisting around on her heel to dart in the direction of the elevator. "She’d want to get some air."

The small girl did not bother to wait for Dinah to follow her down the corridor. Instead, she darted inside the elevator, jabbing her finger against the button for the roof before rocking back and forth on her heels as she waited for the door to close.

The girl’s heart beat hard inside her chest, thundering against her sternum as if it wanted to escape her chest and burst out into the open air. Camila’s stomach coiled up tightly, clenching into tight knots that twisted through the length of the young girl’s gut, tightening with every breath in and out of her lips. Her hands clenched into fists, shaking at her sides as nerves ran through her body, rushing up and down her spine in a mix of anticipation and fear.

Camila did not question the ache in her chest or the unease bubbling through her stomach. The young girl recognised the feelings in connection to Lauren’s words - a reflection of the idea of never sliding into Lauren’s bed in the early hours of the morning again and feeling the heat of the older girl’s body seeping through her chilled flesh. Camila did not appreciate the heavy feeling in her gut at the idea of never holding Lauren’s hand again, their fingertips intertwined and clenched together as they walked side by side. She did not enjoy the taste of Austin’s lips when she could compare it to the flavour of Lauren’s tongue, rich and heavy inside her mouth. She did not anticipate the feeling of Austin’s chin resting lightly on her shoulder as his arms slid around her hips in the same way that she anticipated and craved the way that Lauren curled their bodies together, eliminating the space between their bodies until they pressed flushed against each other.

Camila might not understand love, but she realised that what she felt for Austin paled in comparison to the emotions that burst through her body because of Lauren.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps instead of falling apart, we can fall together.

Lauren’s hands clenched tightly around the thick metal railings, her body leaning into the supports as she gazed sightlessly down at the street below, watching as cars moved underneath. The girl’s dark green eyes picked out the lights of the taxicabs sliding out of the pick-up bays of the hotel, imagining Camila sitting in the back of one of the vehicles, her body leaning against Austin’s larger frame. Lauren imagined the boy’s arm curled around Camila’s shoulder, his hand placed tenderly on Camila’s bicep, the tips of his fingers rubbing lightly at her skin. The girl’s jaw clenched hard, her teeth grinding in her mouth as she pictured the sight of Camila’s bright brown eyes glowing with amusement paired with the sound of the young girl’s laughter bubbling out of her lips.

For a moment, Lauren pictured her body lying flat against the concert of the parking lot; her legs crumpled underneath her body and her arms a mess of blood and gore. The girl’s heart shuddered in her chest, aching painfully as she imagined the way that the impact would hurt, comparing the feeling to the sensation of her heart torn out of her chest by Camila’s actions.

"Lauren!"

Deep green eyes blinked open at the sound of her name, her head twisting to the side in order to regard the figure moving out of the shadows of the roof’s entrance. Lauren’s lips pursed, her body twisting until her back rested against the metal railings, waiting for the speaker to approach before replying with words. “Camila,” She murmured, tasting the young girl’s name on the end of her tongue, flickering across her lips to wet the dry flesh.

"I’ve been looking all over for you." Camila murmured softly, cocking her head to the side as she looked into Lauren’s sad green orbs, watching as the colour flickered slightly when the girl’s eyes flickered away from Camila’s gaze before returning. "You scared me."

Apologetic words hung on the end of Lauren’s tongue, burning the back of her throat as she gazed silently at Camila, allowing her confusion to shine through in her eyes. “Why are you here?”

Camila’s eyebrows furrowed, her heart clenching in her chest as sadness washed through her body, finally understanding that Lauren had expected her to disappear on a date with Austin despite the way that they had left matters between them. “I couldn’t just leave knowing what you had said.” She answered after a long minute of silence, shifting her body to the side to take Lauren’s hands tenderly, her thumb stroking across the back of the girl’s hand. “I listened to what you said, and it made me realise something. It made me realise that I’ve been taking you for granted and I don’t want to do that because you mean the world to me Lauren.”

"Then why?" Lauren asked her voice cracking as she struggled to speak passed the lump in her throat, her emotions constricting her voice. "Why did you?"

"I didn’t realise." Camila answered quietly, tightening her hold on Lauren’s hand, clutching at the older girl’s fingers. "I didn’t realise that I prefer the way that you hold me to be the way that he does. I didn’t think about it because I didn’t know that it was something that I could think about I’ve never been with anyone Lauren, I didn’t realise that sleeping in the same bed as you night after night meant what it did. I should have realised, because I don’t feel this way about any of the other girls. You’re the only one that makes my heart feel as if it is going to beat out of my chest."

Lauren smiled tentatively, biting down on her bottom lip as she squeezed Camila’s hand tightly. “What does this mean?”

"This means that I’m not being an idiot anymore." Camila answered, chuckling quietly at her own words as she stepped closer to Lauren, wrapping her free arm around the older girl’s waist before resting her forehead against her shoulder. "I asked you to kiss me because I didn’t want to give my first kiss to anyone else. I thought that it was because you are my best friend, the friend that I trust the most, the one that will not make fun of me because I haven’t kissed before. Now I know that I wanted to kiss you because I wanted to feel your lips against mine. That kiss and the one earlier tonight, those are the best two kisses I’ve ever experienced Lauren. Those are the best kisses that I’ve ever had; Austin’s lips don’t feel right against mine. His arms don’t feel right around me. His hugs aren’t as good as yours are and he doesn’t know the things to say to calm me down or make me laugh when I feel bad. I realised that earlier today, when you told me that you couldn’t do this anymore."

"I don’t want to think about his lips touching yours Camz," Lauren muttered, resting her head lightly against Camila’s hair, her hand clutching at Camila’s back in order to keep the young girl held tightly in her embrace. "I don’t want to think about the fact that he’s kissed you and held you."

"I realised today that when I’m with him, I’m thinking about you." Camila murmured softly, shifting back from Lauren’s body in order to look into the girl’s eyes. "I realised that I love you Lauren, I’m in love with you."

Lauren bit down hard on her bottom lip, her green eyes widening as she peered down into Camila’s soft chocolate brown gaze, desperately attempting to read the girl’s emotions. “I can’t have you saying that Camila,” The older girl murmured softly, shaking her head as tears collected in her eyes. “I cannot have you tell me that and not mean it. I need to know what you want from this.”

Camila cocked her head to the side, her eyes locked with Lauren’s bright green orbs, her lips twitching upwards into a tentative smile. “I love you Lauren, I’m not saying that because I don’t want to lose this friendship. If I only wanted friendship from you then I would have left this conversation alone. I would have respected you and not slipped into your bed tonight, but I have every intention of sliding underneath the covers with you.”

"Then what do you want?" Lauren asked softly, lifting her hand to cup Camila’s cheek, the pad of her thumb brushing across the young girl’s skin. "Please, just tell me Camz, I don’t care if you need time, as long as you’re not going to be with him anymore. I can give you all the time that you need."

"Haven’t you already been doing that?" Camila chuckled, shaking her head as she leaned into Lauren’s touch, her hand moving to cradle the girl’s fingers against her face. "You’ve given me time Lauren; you’ve given me months now to get to know myself, slowly. I just didn’t know that you were doing that until today. Now I do."

"I didn’t want to pressure you." Lauren whispered, breathing in deeply in an attempt to keep a firm grasp on her emotions. "I love you Camila, I would wait endlessly for you."

Camila smiled brightly, turning her head to press a tender kiss to Lauren’s palm before beginning to speak. “You haven’t pressured me at all.” She muttered. “You’ve been breaking your own heart for months now making sure that I enjoy myself with Austin. I know you have. Dinah told me that you go to her.”

"She found me, after the first kiss, and I needed someone to speak to at the time." Lauren shrugged her shoulders, her eyes darting to the side, swallowing hard to force the lump further down her throat. "I thought I’d lost you that day Camz, I thought I’d thrown away any chance that I had to be with you. I thought that you would fall in love with him and I’d never be able to kiss you again. Today, I don’t know what happened, but I know that I couldn’t continue on the same way. I’ve been breaking myself into a thousand pieces to be able to be your best friend while desperately wanting to be more. I kissed you because I thought that it would be the last kiss we would ever share."

"And you made me realise that I didn’t want it to be our last kiss." Camila said, her voice cracking under the weight of emotions pouring through her chest, her hands trembling as she lifted her palms to Lauren’s face, her fingers sliding along the older girl’s jawline to cradle her face. "You made me realise that when I kissed Austin I compared the press of his lips to the way that you kissed me that first time. I compared the way that his tongue felt to the way that yours felt against my mouth. I compared him to you and every time he came up wanting. Today, I realised what my heart has been trying to tell me from the beginning, I love you Lauren Jauregui. I love you."

"I love you too." Lauren sighed, huffing out a hard breath before a bright smile overtook her lips, her eyes twinkling with amusement and affection. "I’ve been waiting for you to say that Camz, I’d almost given up."

"I’m glad that you hadn’t." Camila murmured, her hands tightening around Lauren’s face, tugging the older girl downwards as she stood on her tiptoes. Their lips met in the middle in a tender embrace, Lauren’s hands sliding around Camila’s waist, lifting the young girl’s body into the kiss. Their mouths pressed together intimately, their lips slipping and sliding back and forth over one another before Lauren’s tongue poked out from between her lips to stroke across the seam of Camila’s mouth, silently and timidly begging for entrance. A request that Camila easily granted, parting her lips to invite Lauren’s tongue into her mouth, her own playful muscle extending to caress Lauren’s lips.

Lauren’s hands clutched at the fabric of Camila’s shirt, bunching the material around the girl’s hips before allowing her fingertips to stroke the soft skin of the other girl’s stomach, feeling the way that her muscles flexed. “Please tell me he didn’t ever touch you,” Lauren whispered breathlessly against Camila’s mouth, her hands stilling on the girl’s midriff as she waited for the answer, her heart shuddering in her chest.

“He didn’t.” The young girl answered easily, her hands cradling Lauren’s face as she pressed a series of kisses across the girl’s cheeks to her nose and then against her forehead. “I promise Lauren, he never did anything more than kiss me, and he didn’t do that a lot.”

“I…” Lauren swallowed hard, tears glistening in her eyes, her mouth opening and closing as she struggled to find words before simply kissing Camila again. Her kiss said all the words that she couldn’t force out of her throat. The kiss told Camila of Lauren’s happiness, as well as the desperation and sadness that flowed through the older girl at the mention of Austin. The kiss told Camila that no matter what Lauren had said, she hadn’t been ready to give up on their relationship. Camila poured her heart into the kiss, showing Lauren the depth of her emotions, the force of her desire for the other girl and the heartache that she felt knowing she might have ruined their relationship forever.

“I love you.” Camila’s voice cracked as she pulled away from the kiss. Her heart thundering inside her chest as her lungs struggled to recover, but a smile spread across her lips at the sight of Lauren’s flushed cheeks and dazed grin. The older girl’s green eyes shimmered with tears while her lips pulled back to reveal sparkling white teeth. Camila’s felt her heart skip at the sight of Lauren’s happiness, her fingers rubbing across the girl’s cheeks to wipe away the tears.

“Let me be your last first kiss.” Lauren sang quietly, letting the lyrics flow from her lips as she leaned down to place her lips tenderly against Camila’s mouth, losing her mind in the press of the girl’s mouth.


End file.
